PTSD

Can't go back to sleep, thought I'd write about it.  I took Mason with me tonight to Young Women's  so Spencer and Ethan could do homework. Well, on the way home (Spencer and my other two boys had walked up to pick us up) we had just rounded the corner to our house and two cars were coming so I yelled ahead to my two boys on bikes that there were cars and they in no way should go into the road.  I continued to watch them to make sure they had heard me and weren't going to do their normal dash across the street on the downhill momentum (concerned about Mason the most ... Ethan is usually pretty good.) well, it looked like they had heard me and had both come to a stop when Mason darted across the street, literally 1 foot in front of this big white truck that had luckily seen him and stopped.  Mason was completely oblivious to the truck and to Spencer and I screaming for him to stop ... It was so terrible!!  We wouldn't have been able to get to him in time and he would have been hit. We were so lucky that this particular truck was going slow enough to stop and that he was paying attention, but who really wants to depend on luck when talking about your child's life.  I keep running it over and over in my mind.  I wish I would have been up there to make sure they didn't cross, I wish my punishment for him crossing had been more immediate, and I wish I could positively say this wouldn't happen again.  hmmmmmmm  I guess when I figure out the answers to these questions I'll be able to go back to sleep.